Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone
Posted by dlende on December 21, 2008
By James J. McKenna Ph.D.
Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Chair in Anthropology
Director, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory
University of Notre Dame
Where a baby sleeps is not as simple as current medical discourse and recommendations against cosleeping in some western societies want it to be. And there is good reason why. I write here to explain why the pediatric recommendations on forms of cosleeping such as bedsharing will and should remain mixed. I will also address why the majority of new parents practice intermittent bedsharing despite governmental and medical warnings against it.
Definitions are important here. The term cosleeping refers to any situation in which a committed adult caregiver, usually the mother, sleeps within close enough proximity to her infant so that each, the mother and infant, can respond to each other’s sensory signals and cues. Room sharing is a form of cosleeping, always considered safe and always considered protective. But it is not the room itself that it is protective. It is what goes on between the mother (or father) and the infant that is. Medical authorities seem to forget this fact. This form of cosleeping is not controversial and is recommended by all.
Unfortunately, the terms cosleeping, bedsharing and a well-known dangerous form of cosleeping, couch or sofa cosleeping, are mostly used interchangeably by medical authorities, even though these terms need to be kept separate. It is absolutely wrong to say, for example, that “cosleeping is dangerous” when roomsharing is a form of cosleeping and this form of cosleeping (as at least three epidemiological studies show) reduce an infant’s chances of dying by one half.
Bedsharing is another form of cosleeping which can be made either safe or unsafe, but it is not intrinsically one nor the other. Couch or sofa cosleeping is, however, intrinsically dangerous as babies can and do all too easily get pushed against the back of the couch by the adult, or flipped face down in the pillows, to suffocate.
Often news stories talk about “another baby dying while cosleeping” but they fail to distinguish between what type of cosleeping was involved and, worse, what specific dangerous factor might have actually been responsible for the baby dying. A specific example is whether the infant was sleeping prone next to their parent, which is an independent risk factor for death regardless of where the infant was sleeping. Such reports inappropriately suggest that all types of cosleeping are the same, dangerous, and all the practices around cosleeping carry the same high risks, and that no cosleeping environment can be made safe.
Nothing can be further from the truth. This is akin to suggesting that because some parents drive drunk with their infants in their cars, unstrapped into car seats, and because some of these babies die in car accidents that nobody can drive with babies in their cars because obviously car transportation for infants is fatal. You see the point.
One of the most important reasons why bedsharing occurs, and the reason why simple declarations against it will not eradicate it, is because sleeping next to one’s baby is biologically appropriate, unlike placing infants prone to sleep or putting an infant in a room to sleep by itself. This is particularly so when bedsharing is associated with breast feeding.
When done safely, mother-infant cosleeping saves infants lives and contributes to infant and maternal health and well being. Merely having an infant sleeping in a room with a committed adult caregiver (cosleeping) reduces the chances of an infant dying from SIDS or from an accident by one half!
Research
In Japan where co-sleeping and breastfeeding (in the absence of maternal smoking) is the cultural norm, rates of the sudden infant death syndrome are the lowest in the world. For breastfeeding mothers, bedsharing makes breastfeeding much easier to manage and practically doubles the amount of breastfeeding sessions while permitting both mothers and infants to spend more time asleep. The increased exposure to mother’s antibodies which comes with more frequent nighttime breastfeeding can potentially, per any given infant, reduce infant illness. And because co-sleeping in the form of bedsharing makes breastfeeding easier for mothers, it encourages them to breastfeed for a greater number of months, according to Dr. Helen Ball’s studies at the University of Durham, therein potentially reducing the mothers chances of breast cancer. Indeed, the benefits of cosleeping helps explain why simply telling parents never to sleep with baby is like suggesting that nobody should eat fats and sugars since excessive fats and sugars lead to obesity and/or death from heart disease, diabetes or cancer. Obviously, there’s a whole lot more to the story.
As regards bedsharing, an expanded version of its function and effects on the infant’s biology helps us to understand not only why the bedsharing debate refuses to go away, but why the overwhelming majority of parents in the United States (over 50% according to the most recent national survey) now sleep in bed for part or all of the night with their babies.
That the highest rates of bedsharing worldwide occur alongside the lowest rates of infant mortality, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) rates, is a point worth returning to. It is an important beginning point for understanding the complexities involved in explaining why outcomes related to bedsharing (recall, one of many types of cosleeping) vary between being protective for some populations and dangerous for others. It suggests that whether or not babies should bedshare and what the outcome will be may depend on who is involved, under what condition it occurs, how it is practiced, and the quality of the relationship brought to the bed to share. This is not the answer some medical authorities are looking for, but it certainly resonates with parents, and it is substantiated by scores of studies.
Understanding Recommendations
Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) SIDS Sub-Committee for whom I served (ad hoc) as an expert panel member recommended that babies should sleep close to their mothers in the same room but not in the same bed. While I celebrated this historic roomsharing recommendation, I disagreed with and worry about the ramifications of the unqualified recommendation against any and all bedsharing. Further, I worry about the message being given unfairly (if not immorally) to mothers; that is, no matter who you are, or what you do, your sleeping body is no more than an inert potential lethal weapon against which neither you nor your infant has any control. If this were true, none of us humans would be here today to have this discussion because the only reason why we survived is because our ancestral mothers slept alongside us and breastfed us through the night!
I am not alone in thinking this way. The Academy of Breast Feeding Medicine, the USA Breast Feeding Committee, the Breast Feeding section of the American Academy of Pediatrics, La Leche League International, UNICEF and WHO are all prestigious organizations who support bedsharing and which use the best and latest scientific information on what makes mothers and babies safe and healthy. Clearly, there is no scientific consensus.
What we do agree on, however, is what specific “factors” increase the chances of SIDS in a bedsharing environment, and what kinds of circumstances increase the chances of suffocation either from someone in the bed or from the bed furniture itself. For example, adults should not bedshare if inebriated or if desensitized by drugs, or overly exhausted, and other toddlers or children should never be in a bed with an infant. Moreover, since having smoked during a pregnancy diminishes the capacities of infants to arouse to protect their breathing, smoking mothers should have their infants sleep alongside them on a different surface but not in the same bed.
My own physiological studies suggest that breastfeeding mother-infant pairs exhibit increased sensitivities and responses to each other while sleeping, and those sensitivities offers the infant protection from overlay. However, if bottle feeding, infants should lie alongside the mother in a crib or bassinet, but not in the same bed. Prone or stomach sleeping especially on soft mattresses is always dangerous for infants and so is covering their heads with blankets, or laying them near or on top of pillows. Light blanketing is always best as is attention to any spaces or gaps in bed furniture which needs to be fixed as babies can slip into these spaces and quickly to become wedged and asphyxiate. My recommendation is, if routinely bedsharing, to strip the bed apart from its frame, pulling the mattress and box springs to the center of the room, therein avoiding dangerous spaces or gaps into which babies can slip to be injured or die.
But, again, disagreement remains over how best to use this information. Certain medical groups, including some members of the American Academy of Pediatrics (though not necessarily the majority), argue that bedsharing should be eliminated altogether. Others, myself included, prefer to support the practice when it can be done safely amongst breastfeeding mothers. Some professionals believe that it can never be made safe but there is no evidence that this is true.
More importantly, parents just don’t believe it! Making sure that parents are in a position to make informed choices therein reflecting their own infant’s needs, family goals, and nurturing and infant care preferences seems to me to be fundamental.
Our Biological Imperatives
My support of bedsharing when practiced safely stems from my research knowledge of how and why it occurs, what it means to mothers, and how it functions biologically. Like human taste buds which reward us for eating what’s overwhelmingly critical for survival i.e. fats and sugars, a consideration of human infant and parental biology and psychology reveal the existence of powerful physiological and social factors that promote maternal motivations to cosleep and explain parental needs to touch and sleep close to baby.
The low calorie composition of human breast milk (exquisitely adjusted for the human infants’ undeveloped gut) requires frequent nighttime feeds, and, hence, helps explain how and why a cultural shift toward increased cosleeping behavior is underway. Approximately 73% of US mothers leave the hospital breast feeding and even amongst mothers who never intended to bedshare soon discover how much easier breast feeding is and how much more satisfied they feel with baby sleeping alongside often in their bed.
But it’s not just breastfeeding that promotes bedsharing. Infants usually have something to say about it too! And for some reason they remain unimpressed with declarations as to how dangerous sleeping next to mother can be. Instead, irrepressible (ancient) neurologically-based infant responses to maternal smells, movements and touch altogether reduce infant crying while positively regulating infant breathing, body temperature, absorption of calories, stress hormone levels, immune status, and oxygenation. In short, and as mentioned above, cosleeping (whether on the same surface or not) facilitates positive clinical changes including more infant sleep and seems to make, well, babies happy. In other words, unless practiced dangerously, sleeping next to mother is good for infants. The reason why it occurs is because… it is supposed to.
Recall that despite dramatic cultural and technological changes in the industrialized west, human infants are still born the most neurologically immature primate of all, with only 25% of their brain volume. This represents a uniquely human characteristic that could only develop biologically (indeed, is only possible) alongside mother’s continuous contact and proximity—as mothers body proves still to be the only environment to which the infant is truly adapted, for which even modern western technology has yet to produce a substitute.
Even here in whatever-city-USA, nothing a baby can or cannot do makes sense except in light of the mother’s body, a biological reality apparently dismissed by those that argue against any and all bedsharing and what they call cosleeping, but which likely explains why most crib-using parents at some point feel the need to bring their babies to bed with them —findings that our mother-baby sleep laboratory here at Notre Dame has helped document scientifically. Given a choice, it seems human babies strongly prefer their mother’s body to solitary contact with inert cotton-lined mattresses. In turn, mothers seem to notice and succumb to their infant’s preferences.
There is no doubt that bedsharing should be avoided in particular circumstances and can be practiced dangerously. While each single bedsharing death is tragic, such deaths are no more indictments about any and all bedsharing than are the three hundred thousand plus deaths or more of babies in cribs an indictment that crib sleeping is deadly and should be eliminated. Just as unsafe cribs and unsafe ways to use cribs can be eliminated so, too, can parents be educated to minimize bedsharing risks.
Moving Beyond Judgments to Understanding
We still do not know what causes SIDS. But fortunately the primary factors that increase risk are now widely known i.e. placing an infant prone (face down) for sleep, using soft mattresses, maternal smoking, overwrapping babies or blocking air movement around their faces. In combination with bedsharing, where more vital normal defensive infant responses and may be more important to an infant (like the ability to arouse to bat a blanket which momentarily falls to cover the infants face when its parent moves or turns) these risks become exaggerated especially amongst unhealthy infants. When infants die in these obviously unsafe conditions, it is here where social biases and the sheer levels of ignorance associated with actually explaining the death become apparent. A death itself in a bedsharing environment does not automatically suggest, as many legal and medical authorities assert, that it was the bedsharing, or worse, suffocation that killed the infant. Infants in bedsharirng environments, like babies in cribs, can still die of SIDS.
It is a shame and certainly inappropriate that, for example, the head pathologists of the state of Indiana recommends that other pathologists assume SIDS as a likely cause of death when babies die in cribs but to assume asphyxiation if a baby dies in an adult bed or has a history of “cosleeping”. By assuming before any facts are known from the pathologist’s death scene and toxicological report that any bedsharing baby was a victim of an accidental suffocation rather than from some congenital or natural cause, including SIDS unrelated to bedsharing, medical authorities not only commit a form of scientific fraud but they victimize the doomed infant’s parents for a third time. The first occurs when their baby dies, the second occurs when health professionals interviewed for news stories (which commonly occurs) imply that when a baby dies in a bed with an adult it must be due to suffocation (or a SIDS induced by bedsharing). The third time the parents are victimized is when still without any evidence medical or police authorities suggest that their baby’s death was “preventable,” that their baby would still be alive if only the parents had not bedshared. This conclusion is based not on the facts of the tragedy but on unfair and fallacious stereotypes about bedsharing.
Indeed, no legitimate SIDS researcher nor forensic pathologist should render a judgment that a baby was suffocated without an extensive toxiological report and death scene investigation including information from the mother concerning what her thoughts are on what might or could have happened.
Whether involving cribs or adult beds, risky sleep practices leading to infant deaths are more likely to occur when parents lack access to safety information, or if they are judged to be irresponsible should they choose to follow their own and their infants’ biological predilections to bedshare, or if public health messages are held back on brochures and replaced by simplistic and inappropriate warnings saying “just never do it.” Such recommendations misrepresent the true function and biological significance of the behaviors, and the critical extent to which dangerous practices can be modified, and they dismiss the valid reasons why people engage in the behavior in the first place.
For More Information:
A Popular Parenting Book
Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide To Cosleeping by James J.McKenna (2007). Platypus Press.
The Scientific Perspective
McKenna, J., Ball H., Gettler L., Mother-infant Cosleeping, Breastfeeding and SIDS: What Biological Anthropologists Have Learned About Normal Infant Sleep and Pediatric Sleep Medicine. Yearbook of Physical Anthropology 50:133-161 (2007)
McKenna, J., McDade, T., Why Babies Should Never Sleep Alone: A Review of the Co-Sleeping Controversy in Relation to SIDS, Bedsharing and Breastfeeding (pdf). Paediatric Respiratory Reviews 6:134-152 (2005)
Clare said
I am curious to know whether in the co-sleeping debate how much attention has been paid to 1) the kinds of beds and sleeping environments that exist cross-culturally and 2) the nature of nighttime sleep across cultures. For example, in my own ethnographic experience in India (not studying co-sleeping, I’m sorry to say) people didn’t conk out cold for several hours at a time at night, but were up and down the whole night through, and then napped on and off throughout the day. What bearing does any of this have, if any, on patterns of co-sleeping (or indeed differences in beds and bedding)?
Jasmine said
This article muddies the waters on the topic. There are some seriously unsafe co-sleeping situations. There are co-sleeping arrangements that are 100% safe. There are some that are terrible concepts. To make the assumption (both in the article and in some of the comments throughout) that infant death is only related to intoxication or extreme fatigue is unfair to the parent or parents whose child has died in a co-sleeping situation. To insinuate that a “cover-up” was involved in deaths attributed to co-sleeping is an extremely biased, inflammatory statement. Parents can, and unwittingly do, neglect their child while co-sleeping with them. It happens. Similarly, parents can and unwittingly do, neglect their child whent he chidl is sleepign in another room.
Parents should know that they can love and cherish their child without co-sleeping with them. The implication from this article (and the comments below) that parents who co-sleep are either “more-Mammalian” or care more for their child than non co-sleeping parents is unfair. The options as presented are to: 1) co-sleep and love your child, or 2) not love your child and put them at risk for death.
I also don’t think it would be fair of me to post the few stories I have heard about in my community (one was very close to me) where a child died in a co-sleeping arrangement. I do think it is fair, however, to point out the general concept of the unsafe aspects of one form of co-sleeping: bed-sharing. As mentioned, there are specific unsafe aspects to bed-sharing including intoxication, excessive bedding, and over-tired parents. One aspect not mentioned was Delta and REM sleep. Parents do not and will not know whether or not they are the type of parent who will wake up from a deep sleep or dream sleep when (and if) their child has an issue or if the parent has rolled over on top of the child. There is always a first time for the parent to find out. Hooray if the parent wakes up and realizes what is happening in time to stop. Unfortunately, if that first time a parent rolls over onto the child, the parent does not wake up from dream or deep sleep, how does that death get reported? Will the authorities and the supporters of bed-sharing assume the parent was over-tired (fatigued?)
As such, bed-sharing should be discluded from co-sleeping. Co-sleeping would be better represented if bed-sharing was not included. Room-sharing is 100% safe and should be the form that is espoused. There are comments below from people who live in Costa Rica and India (and other places, I’m sure). In the United States, it is normal accepted practice for people to sleep either alone or with their partner. There are many reasons for this, just as there are many reasons that people in other nations tend to share beds amongst two or more non-romantic people. The point is that in the US, it is normal and accepted that children sleep in their own bed. The question for parents is whether or not they want their child to be part of the mainstream group, or if they are willing to have their children experience the fringe group. In the US, good or bad, bed-sharing is part of the fringe group. There is an effect to being part of an outlying group, and parents should realize teh effect this may have on their child. There are certainly benefits to bed-sharing, but a better article would have presented a less-biased approach to the topic.
tina said
LOL. I guess a less biased approach would be one that castigates “fringe group” habits? I’m curious what you consider to be the “effect of being part of an outlying group”? Maybe only mainstream behaviour should be legal? Would that work with your constition? Prosecute those fringe freaks!!
K said
Sharing a room is NOT cosleeping. Clarify your terms and re-read the evidence.
emmegebe said
Jasmine, I don’t think you read the article very carefully.
You write, “This article muddies the waters on the topic. There are some seriously unsafe co-sleeping situations. There are co-sleeping arrangements that are 100% safe. There are some that are terrible concepts.” Um, right, that’s exactly what the article spends a lot of words explaining. Dr. McKenna urges people to not lump all forms of co-sleeping together, but instead to clearly define bed-sharing vs. room-sharing vs. other sleeping arrangements (couch, chair, solitary).
You say, “To make the assumption (both in the article and in some of the comments throughout) that infant death is only related to intoxication or extreme fatigue is unfair to the parent or parents whose child has died in a co-sleeping situation.”
But Dr. McKenna does not assume this. He says, “Infants in bedsharing environments, like babies in cribs, can still die of SIDS.” He is making the point that authorities should never assume the opposite, that any bed-sharing death is automatically suffocation (and therefore the parents’ fault). If a SIDS death occurs in a crib the parents are considered mostly blameless, whereas if a SIDS death occurs during bed-sharing, pathologists are told to automatically consider it suffocation, and parents are blamed. Dr. McKenna is saying that the authorities need to have open minds regarding how/where SIDS can occur, as well as knowledge of the variables that make co-sleeping safe/unsafe.
You note that bed-sharing and room-sharing should be differentiated. Dr. McKenna makes exactly the same point. He is urging people to use clear definitions and look at every situation individually precisely so that parents are not wrongly blamed and so that we can all have a better understanding of how to keep the most babies alive at night.
You say, “In the US, good or bad, bed-sharing is part of the fringe group.” You may have skimmed over the part of the article where it says that more than 50% of parents in the US co-sleep at least sometimes / part of the night. When the majority of families do it, it’s not a “fringe” behavior.
You say, “Parents do not and will not know whether or not they are the type of parent who will wake up from a deep sleep or dream sleep when (and if) their child has an issue or if the parent has rolled over on top of the child.” Sleep-lab research by Dr. McKenna and others has shown that breastfeeding mothers are exquisitely tuned in to their babies’ sleep behavior, even when they pass through the deepest levels of sleep. Mothers’ and babies’ sleep cycles are actually synchronized during co-sleeping so that the mother is already entering a more wakeful stage at the same time her baby is. Mothers almost universally assume a protective sleep position: side-lying, facing the baby, bottom arm extended out past the baby’s head. From this position it would be very difficult to roll onto the baby without rousing (the mother’s arm would be pinned).
Have you ever had a cat or a dog sleep on your bed? How about something inanimate, like a small cylindrical bolster pillow? Have you ever rolled over on one of these things and not stirred? A baby has natural defenses and would wiggle and squawk just like a cat or dog would if something happened. And even if it didn’t, the adult would surely stir if an odd-shaped, firm item were under them. People sew tennis balls onto the back of sleepwear to prevent snoring, because having something small and hard under you makes it impossible to sleep on your back.
How many adults do you know who fall out of their beds at night (when sober and otherwise well)? Just as we know where the edge of the bed is in our deepest sleep, adults who bed-share know where the baby is. This is true even for heavy sleepers, even for large people. If someone has a problem with falling off the edge of the bed when sleeping alone, then they are not a good candidate for bed-sharing. (But they can still room-share.)
You accuse this article of being biased, but it seems to me that you read it with a closed mind and missed many of the main points. Ask yourself whether you are truly being fair and balanced with your own opinions about bed-sharing and co-sleeping.
Andrea said
Given my perspective on mainstream US culture, I’d be more than happy to lump myself and my children into the fringe group. In fact, I’d be downright embarassed to be considered part of the mainstream culture.
However, let’s look at that argument: drop your values and your beliefs so you’ll fit in with everyone else. I’d die before sending my child that message. I believe in doing what I think is right, regardless of whether I’ll be looked upon differently. I’d rather be different and true to myself than lumped up with everyone else while silencing my inner voice.
Yogendra Joshi said
This is more of a “western fad”. I come from India and in India, baby cannot sleep anywhere else but besides his mother and father. I myself have a son who is 3 years old and still sleeps between myself and my wife. I must admit, we did try to make him sleep slightly away (in the same room) but none of the three could take it easily.
Considering safety, how can a “true mother / father” cause death of a child while sleeping? Millions of babies sleep with their parents in my country, and still havent heard of many (rather any) case where the baby was harmed due to this. As parents you are constantly aware of the fact that your child is sleeping besides you are take atmost care even in your sleep!! I can talk about it as i practice it for past three years. We are expecting our second child, and i am pretty sure, he/she will sleep by our side!!
Kati Laine said
I think this is partially because in some Western cultures, it was half-acceptable if not legal to let unwanted or sickly infants die from either malnutrition or intentional suffocation. Often this was labeled as “unintentional suffocation while sharing parents’ bed”. This happened a lot especially during the 18th and 19th Century, when birth control was still nonexistent or unavailable and parents with poor circumstances could not support their lot of children. While it was mostly a product of industrialization, the infant murder existed in some form or another in all Western cultures already from the beginning of Christianization, when it was no longer legal to end an unwanted child’s life right after birth.
The misconception of unintentional suffocation still exists, partially because so many “unexplained” or hushed-up deaths were labelled under that nomiker in the church books. It does happen, rarely, but mostly the parents have been either intoxicated, drugged or there has been too many bed clothing and pillows.
I have been co-sleeping with my baby, sharing the bed with my husband and I have to admit I was initially very worried about the matter. As time went on, I learned to trust my instincts and to this day the 9-month-old child often sleeps under my blanket, cosily. I have never actually placed any part of my body over the baby or hurt her – my husband was more worried, but now has also learned to be aware of her. It gets more complicated in a way when the baby starts to move on her own and may not stay in one place, but then again at that point she is also capable of moving potential breath-constricting clothing items away from her face as well.
I think co-sleeping is a good and natural way to get a better night’s sleep for the parents, as the baby wakes less often and sleeps more tightly, feeling more secure. At other times, she sleeps in her own cot and I get to stretch a little more. Those nights are not so peaceful, though the cot is only 1,5 meters away from my side of the double bed. I didn’t breastfeed for long because of medical reasons and was very sorry about that, but bottlefeeding didn’t lessen my feel of security with co-sleeping. It’s more about the instinct than the milk, isn’t it?
Beena said
I support co sleeping. I am a mother of four. I do not have a medical degree at all.
How many parents touch their children? A hug or simply moisturizing your child is so powerful. Touch has healing properties. I was wary when my now 9 year old was born. My husband was comfortable with co sleeping. I was scared. She was so small and fragile. But when you nurse, sleep is a luxury. So whenever I could sleep I would and nursing her in my bed was extremely convenient. When a child is in a crib a bit away, you are not as sensitive to the childs movements. When a child is right next to you, you feel that child’s every movement. And I do not know about other mothers, but my kids especially early on, only gave me at most 4 hours without needing to nurse again. You become so aware of them. Co sleeping allows the mother to nurse comfortably. The child is snug and cozy. My kids even have had blankets on them and I have never had any choking issue. You are aware of them.. just as they are aware of you. Rooting is a reflex that a baby just born has. I think in cases where suffocation has occurred and the parents were in the same bed.. there are other reasons as well. When you co sleep, a mother will also nurse for a longer period of time. I do not know about anyone else.. but is it not weird that we are so quick to feed our children cow milk. Do our kids look like cows? Nursing a child for a longer period definitely has benefits in terms of health and even in terms of intelligence. My older two kids are both considered gifted. My younger two have not yet been tested. Who does not want the best for their child? Co sleeping is the best.. and if you can.. every child deserves at least that.
M. S. said
I could not agree more with this article. It is obviously the “biologically appropriate” and most natural thing to do. My husband and I had our daughter in bed with us until she was 2 and a bit and made an easy transition to her own bed when she was ready.
Kylie said
I slept with my son in my bed and it made his babyhood ridiculously easy with me. When he woke in the night he had no need to cry. He would just say, “Uh..uh..uh” and that tiny sound would awake me just a little. I would put my breast into his mouth and fall back asleep. This would happen several times during the night, but it disturbed me so little I barely remembered in the morning. I would feel fully rested, while at the same time I’d been able to respond to all his little cues effortlessly during the night. (My baby and I slept on our sides facing each other, and I would flip over and put him on the other side next time he woke so that he could nurse from the other breast) When other mothers would discuss how many times they’d gotten up during the night, and how tired they were I didn’t really relate because my son’s requests for nourishment were so quiet. I just used good quality nappies and didn’t change him till morning. I definitely co-sleeping is the way to go!
Adriana Barrantes said
I come from Costa Rica. I am a supported of co-sleeping. I didnt want to do it at first since here people believes due to the studies that “have come from the US”, that it is dangerous and it is bad for your marriage. I did believe those stupid things at first, but when my baby was born and I realized it felt natural and around her 4months of life i permanently moved her to my bed. Now she is 2 and sleeps with us and we have discussed it many times: it feels right for her and for us, it is comfortable and has not changed our relationship and hubby and wife. Nature cannot be wrong, our guts cannot be wrong: hundreds of years of evolution cannot be wrong: it feels good because is natural to do so.
You have no idea how many *rolled eyes* and staring I get when I say she sleeps with us, but they can do whatever they want with their children: so I will do what i believe is right with mine
Adriana Barrantes said
OMG! Beena you are so right on everything you said!!! Specially: “Do our kids look like cows? ”
I still breastfeed my daughter and people try to punish me for it, they tell me all the time: “your milk does not provide anything good to her right now, so why dont you give her cow milk?”, even a DOCTOR said this to me (note that i stood up and left, if a doctor is stupid enough to say that giving someone cow milk is better than HUMAN milk will not ever touch me). For some reason people think formula or cow milk is better than NATURAL HUMAN milk! I mean: what better than something made specifically for humans? Do we feed our cows with pig milk? Is just plain weird…
Tracy said
I totally laughed out loud Adriana reading your post. I so agree. I still breastfeed my son and he is a little over 3. I get punished for it too but I stand my ground.
onelittlesleep said
Almost every other mammal in the world sleeps with their young, why would human beings be so different? I never heard the word cosleeping before I have my child, but after he was born, I knew that he needed to sleep near me, by instinct. Why would I place my young, who cannot yet regulate his temperature properly (or his sleeping heartrate and breathing, as it turns out) in another bed, or even in another room? It seems so obvious to me that a baby needs to be near their mother/parents when they are in their most vulnerable state.
Also, cosleeping seems to fine-tune your instincts as a parent. I realized this after a few weeks of sleeping next to my infant son. I would wake up to feed him before he cried to be fed, even though he never fed on a schedule. There was never a circumstance where I even got close to rolling over on him, as I was always aware of him, even in my sleep. My husband developed these instincts too. One night, I got up to go to the bathroom and I heard a grunt from the bedroom and my husband calling for me. I came in and found him holding our still sleeping son. My son had rolled towards my side of the bed while I was up and had almost fallen off the mattress. My husband had, in his sleep, grabbed him just before he rolled off.
This taught us to put the mattress on the floor, but it also was an eye-opener for both of us, on the intensity of our bond with our son and of just how natural parental instincts are.
Cosleeping, done safely, is beneficial for the whole family.
ashwini khadilkar said
Hi, i also co sleep with my daughter, and two small daschunds.
The dogs bury their heads in the covers and i often used to worry about them choking!! My daughter used to rest her head on my hand when she was very young. It made her secure. and when she woke up she would tell me all her dreams. Bonding like that is priceless. Also, when i lost my husband suddenly to heart attack, it helped both of use to co sleep and soothed my anxiety to an extent. it works both ways. even for parents. Now she is 10 and slowly thinking on having her own bed and room, i am all for it. we havent asked the dogs yet!
rambleicious said
I haven’t got children of my own, but if I did, I think co-sleeping would be a great way to really bond with and respond to my child. My only worry would be that as the child got older that they wouldn’t be able to sleep on their own easily or well.
I like the idea of co-sleeping, but once they are older it might be nice to have some grown up time with my husband at night and that’s not something my child needs to see!
The Everyday Life of a Messy Housewife said
[...] a new baby, or are just confused about everything you’ve heard about co-sleeping, check out this article. I have always put my babies to bed in their own bed, but often, they spend more than half the [...]
i-can-has-ram said
Do we really need excess html snow flurries following the cursor? I thought useless code was finally out of style.
gregdowney said
do we NEED excess html snow flurries?! do we NEED bogus electronic snow flurries!? oh, come on people. We’re the most staid blue-gray format that you can get. we couldn’t be more square if we had an excess html-code pocket protectors on our website. I can’t figure out how to change or respond to my own facebook account. and I live in Australia now, where Christmas time is prime surfing and barbecue weather. So can you please let me have the little, tiny victory, the moment of carnivalesque madcap-ness that is the html snow flurry!?
besides, I don’t think I could figure out HOW to turn it off…
btw. happy 200K visit all friends, colleagues and occasional visitors to Neuroanthropology. We’re thrilled to have reached this milestone in our first year, with a title that at least one of our colleagues (one of the ones who likes us) actually called ‘deplorable.’ Thanks very much for making us one of your stops on the Internets.
Hope you are all having a great holiday season. I know that I’m sure enjoying the boogie board that Santa brought, even though I still kind of stink at timing waves. (okay, now I’m rubbing it in…)
Kellyg said
As babies, have any of you co-slept with your parents? I don’t see anything wrong with a child sleeping in their own bed. That is how I was reared, and I turned out fine. I have a very stable relationship with my parents. I probably will not sleep with my baby when I have children.
racheleeioh said
I slept w/ my parents as a babe. When I had my own daughter I at first listened to the “experts” (who change their opinion on what is safe constantly and act as though it is the law) and tried to have my daughter in a crib in the same room. It was miserable dragging myself out of my bed to feed her, and she was always cold, though wearing a sleeper and one of those pouches (forget the name…). I mentioned to my mom that I was exhausted from getting up to feed her in the rocking chair and she said, “Why don’t you just bring her into bed w/ you?” It was AWESOME! My little babe was so much happier, as was I. And neither my husband our myself ever harmed her. Once I started to lay my arm on her in my sleep, and immediately I woke.
Following your instincts makes you feel connected to your true self and totally alive. Don’t hand your parenting over to fallible fear-mongering men. Do they really know so much more than biology and the cultural norm for the rest of the world? The medical community’s track record is pretty shabby…
Amy in Oz said
That is how I was reared, and I turned out fine.
I didn’t sleep in my parents bed unless it was after a nightmare. But i find that argument very superficial and lacking logical reasoning. 25 years ago, my in-laws used to transport their children in a bassinet with a net over it, strapped to the back seat of the car. They were seen as super safety conscious and over the top for doing that. None of their 4 children were ever injured, that is how they were reared, and they turned out fine. That doesn’t mean I would ever do that because the knowledge we have now (in car restraints, infant sleep and many other areas) shows that there is a safer way of doing things. According to the sleep-lab research, co-sleeping is biologically appropriate for infants who are breastfed.
Isn’t biology more important than mere cultural preference??
Anthony Jones said
You know i have mixed feelings on the parent sleeping issue. Like if your a rought sleeper meaning you turn and twist and wake up and the bed is a mess every morning then it might be a better idea to keep the baby in a safe crib. on the other hand if your child sleeps better with you and is more comfortable you might want to try to adjust to him/her.
Kirk Lazarus said
I think this is easy..would u want to be alone at age 6 months, 12 months whatever if u had a say. doubtful. to think that one day your kid won’t want to grow up and have his own area shows little faith in your kid from the start..of course they will. they want to walk. and climb. and be grown up. and eat with a fork. we never offered a fork, he grabbed it from our hands and wanted to try. I have faith that its the same thing..because we co sleep the death thing is just an absurd argument and i don’t waste my time even worrying about that…I have one kid, I am a dad and he is a year old. Mommy breast feeds so it’s just easier for us..People vs Co sleeping IMO boil it down to what’s good for them. And the funny thing is at least IMO is that it would be better for them in the long run to co sleep but they don’t see the forest from the trees…..Just today someone said to me, yeah she has been in her own room since 3 weeks! and then proudly said, at about 18 months she slept thru the night and now we are and i sleep so much better!!. nice. our kid, other than rocky nights that any kid in any situation may have along with us sleep thru the night since about 6 months. If the transition is rough, I’ll deal with that then, no biggie. And if it is a biggie, really in the big picture how big will it be…like he will turn out at age 25 scared to sleep alone? lol
Jason said
Actually, I have an 11 year old that I achieved full custody of that was sleeping with his mother. It took me at least a year, to get this kid from being afraid “of the dark” or “scared to sleep alone”. Now, whenever the boy goes to visit his mother (court ordered time only), she continues to allow him to sleep with her… he’s 11!!!!! When does it stop? He says he feels less loved from me, because I don’t allow him to sleep with me? That is crazy?! I love him no less, I just believe children sleeping with their parents is abnormal. Everyone keeps saying that we are “mammalian”… sure that may be true, however, we have adopted a higher developed, more intellectual brain that is capable of understanding psychological deviances that occur when such actions are allowed to happen than those mammalians. Does anyone understand what I”m saying? I wonder what Freud would have to say about all this.
Andrea said
Having an 11 year old who still sleeps with his mother is indicative of deeper, more underlying issues that have likely prevented his independence from emerging. Normal, healthy children will naturally develop independence that will lead them to their own rooms. There’s a reason why you’ve acheived custody of this boy and this reason is likely related to his intense need to sleep beside his mother. When parental attachments don’t form properly (as a result of abuse, neglect or harmful parenting), the child is less likely to develop a strong sense of independence. Go back to the reasons why this boy was taken from his mother and you’ll find your answers about why he struggles to leave his mother’s room. Do a google search about “attachment theory” for more info.
Amy in Oz said
I just believe children sleeping with their parents is abnormal.
That is because the culture you are from says that children should sleep independently. Granted, I think 11 years old is too old to *need* to cosleep, and is a symptom of other issues for your son, but this article is addressing *infant* sleep, not prepubescent sleep. This gut reaction from you is simply rooted in cultural factors, not the biology of infants and parents.
Julie said
I had heard all the “no-no”s involved re: cosleeping. Then came my now 23-month old. We started off with her in a cradle in our room. Gradually, since I breastfed, she spent more and more time in bed with us. It wasn’t intentional at first…I simply would get her from the cradle to nurse her during the night and found that we both drifted right back to sleep within minutes. Then I had an “Ah-ha!” moment….why bother even having to get up and walk around at all overnight…just put her to bed with us? What a magical moment for us. I would, and still do, awaken to almost each/every sigh I heard. But I never woke fully enough to feel sleep-deprived in the morning. In fact, it was quite the opposite-I felt better the mornings after she slept with us vs. the nights when she didn’t.
My husband fully supports and encourages cosleeping also. And now, at 23 months, she’ll sleep in her own room by herself just as easily as she will in bed with us. Why? Because she KNOWS we will ALWAYS respond to her needs regardless of what time of day/night it is. We have developed such a trusting, close bond.
No, the children will not sleep in bed with you forever. No, you cannot get their youth back once they grow up. No, you shouldn’t go against your instincts. Even though “we turned out just fine” when our parents did the best they knew how, we have further evidence and information available to us today than we did 30+ years ago…why not do the best we know how to do today, such as breastfeed and/or co-sleep? And who knows-maybe the reccomendations will change when we are grandparents ourselves, but for now, let’s do what we know to be best for our children.
Juli said
I don’t know if my siblings and I coslept with my parents by any definition, on a regular basis. (I may have slept in a bassinet in my parent’s room for my first month or so, but my younger siblings didn’t. And when we visited relatives, we’d cosleep.) We did spend around an hour in the morning as babies and toddlers in bed with our dad while he dozed while our mom got ready for the day. My parents had a custom made bed that was barely off the floor and had no spaces for a child to get anything caught in after I managed to roll off their old bed one morning.) I know that with my youngest brother, occasionally my mom would fall asleep while breastfeeding him and he’d sleep part of the night with my parents – that’s probably true of all of us. And when we got older were in and out of our parents bed at all hours of the day and night. We turned out just fine.
Top Posts « WordPress.com said
[...] Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone By James J. McKenna Ph.D. Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Chair in Anthropology Director, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep [...] [...]
Round Up of the Best of Anthro 2008 « Neuroanthropology said
[...] Popular: Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone Advice on cosleeping from a leading expert, and how anthropology helps ordinary people live their [...]
The “Best of Anthro 2008″ Prizes « Neuroanthropology said
[...] on Studying SinMaximilian Forte on Wednesday Round Up #44Round Up of the Best… on Cosleeping and Biological Impe…dlende on Wednesday Round Up #44Maximilian Forte on Wednesday Round [...]
Greg Hooper said
Thanks for the interesting article. Like several others above, we slept with our babies because we thought it was the natural, convenient and loving thing to do, and everything worked out fine. Our kids are healthy, and (I hope) more secure and well-adjusted than they would have been otherwise. What freaked me out was the negative reaction we got from friends and family. The mother of one of my friends told me, “My friend had her baby in bed, and rolled over and suffocated it!!” Later, I found out that the friend was an overweight alcoholic. I don’t think we heard one supportive opinion, so we stopped asking people what they thought.
The Relevance of Anthropology – Part 1 on the Best of Anthro Blogging 2008 « Neuroanthropology said
[...] the biological side, Jim McKenna’s post on Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone covers a prominent medical controversy and provides advice about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, [...]
The Relevance of Anthropology – Part 2 on the Best of Anthro Blogging 2008 « Neuroanthropology said
[...] Best of AnthroThe Relevance of Ant… on Studying SinThe Relevance of Ant… on Cosleeping and Biological Impe…The Relevance of Ant… on Round Up of the Best of Anthro…The Relevance of Ant… [...]
Evolution of altruism: kin selection or affect hunger? « Neuroanthropology said
[...] patterns in infants, perhaps even protecting them by helping them to regulate their own bodies (see Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone). Goldschmidt points to the neurological effects of mothers’ grooming on infant rats and [...]
JG said
In the accompanying illustration, the infant is sleeping prone on its stomach, which no one recommends, including the author of this piece.
Birth In Joy said
The baby in the picture is on its side, not prone.
Erin W. said
I found this article while I was pregnant and was so glad for it. I had been considering whether or not to co-sleep, and this article helped me make my decision to go through with it. At first we used the bassinet right next to the bed, but even that seemed too far away. The first night I put my daughter in bed with me was the first decent night’s sleep I got after having her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get the same kind of sleep I got before having her, but it’s a much better ride this time around than it was with my first daughter who slept in a separate room.
In response to Kelly G. – I didn’t co-sleep as a baby, and yes I did turn out fine (I hope that’s what people consider me, at least!) I’m not saying that parents who don’t co-sleep are bad (and I don’t think that’s what anyone here is trying to say either) Co-sleeping is just easier for me. I realize that one of the benefits of not co-sleeping is surely not having to wean your child from your bed and into her own, but I will cross that bridge when the day comes.
Anyway – the point is that I am happy with the choice that my husband and I have made for our family. Once our daughter is able to feed a little less often I intend on graduating her to her own bed, but until that day comes I am more than happy to cuddle up next to my little bundle of joy.
Jennifer said
What an excellent article. I hope many expecting parents stumble upon it before welcoming their babies into their lives. I strongly believe the AAP is wrong about it’s unqualified recommendation against any bedsharing, based on my own experiences and those of the many mothers I have spoken with. I had never considered sleeping with my baby (thinking it somehow taboo)until my Lamaze instructor suggested it as way to facilitate nighttime breastfeeding – I am eternally grateful to her for giving me “permission.” I did briefly try sleeping with my first baby in a nearby crib but found that I could not sleep well this way – I was continually waking to check to see if she was still breathing. Only when my babies slept with me was I able to relax. It was amazing to me the way our sleep cycles became synchronized – I would awaken seconds before my baby roused, we would nurse and then fall easily back to sleep without my husband waking up at all – there was hardly ever a need for the baby to cry at night. I knew I would never “roll” onto my newborns in the same way I knew I wouldn’t fall of the edge of my bed. Sometimes I did worry my husband might somehow not be so aware, and would sleep curled around my baby protectively. Bedsharing was more than convenience; it felt so completely “right” on a fundamental, biological, and emotional level that I feel sorry for any mother who has denied herself and her baby this pleasure. Parents should be taught how to do it safely, not uniformly told to avoid it.
Eric said
I agree with a lot of the issues with putting your baby in the bed. But as part of the joys of being a new parent there is no replacement for having your baby snuggling with you at night. I believe that as long as you put some safety measures into play I think it’s OK. I was worried that I would roll onto him but I found that when his little hands were wrapped around my finger while he slept I knew that he was ok and I wasn’t going to be putting him into danger. But there should be some limit to bed time because as your baby gets older you don’t want your toddler constantly in your bed either. I’ll be writing a post on this today. Check it out!
Melissa said
i don’t understand how ANY MOTHER can go from carrying her baby inside her womb for 9 months and send the baby directly to their own sleeping space! that closeness of the womb is best recreated in a cosleeping environment, and that closeness breeds security, and security leads to independence. not to mention it makes breastfeeding effortless (gotta love the side lying nursing position), your baby need not cry to have their needs met, and the risk of SIDS is actually REDUCED (assuming mother is not drinking or on drugs) because mother and baby sleep cycle together. all that and the PURE JOY you get knowing that you are meeting your baby’s biological need to maintain that intimate connection in the first years of life.
cosleeping « Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly with God said
[...] Here’s a great article explaing the ins and outs. (HT: midwife and mentor Susan Oshel with Charis Childbirth.) That the highest rates of bedsharing worldwide occur alongside the lowest rates of infant mortality, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) rates, is a point worth returning to. The low calorie composition of human breast milk (exquisitely adjusted for the human infants’ undeveloped gut) requires frequent nighttime feeds, and, hence, helps explain how and why a cultural shift toward increased cosleeping behavior is underway. Approximately 73% of US mothers leave the hospital breast feeding and even amongst mothers who never intended to bedshare soon discover how much easier breast feeding is and how much more satisfied they feel with baby sleeping alongside often in their bed. In short, and as mentioned above, cosleeping (whether on the same surface or not) facilitates positive clinical changes including more infant sleep and seems to make, well, babies happy. In other words, unless practiced dangerously, sleeping next to mother is good for infants. The reason why it occurs is because… it is supposed to. There is no doubt that bedsharing should be avoided in particular circumstances and can be practiced dangerously. While each single bedsharing death is tragic, such deaths are no more indictments about any and all bedsharing than are the three hundred thousand plus deaths or more of babies in cribs an indictment that crib sleeping is deadly and should be eliminated. Just as unsafe cribs and unsafe ways to use cribs can be eliminated so, too, can parents be educated to minimize bedsharing risks. [...]
Birth In Joy said
The most balanced article I’ve seen on this issue. Thanks.
Link: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone « Regogal said
[...] Link: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone Jump to Comments A great article about co-sleeping – actual benefits, risks and safety. [...]
Co-sleeping article - Breastfeeding Forum said
[...] Co-sleeping article Thought this was a good article, and am posting it here because it mostly is in regards to those who bf. http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12…t-sleep-alone/ [...]
K said
I bought a crib and put it in my first child’s room while pregnant. Then, as a working and nursing mom with a colicky baby – I found that I could never sleep if I wanted him in the crib. He nursed every two hours at night until 18 months of age. I constantly worried about his tummy and whether he was ok – he cried and cried when not in contact – so, no sleep for anyone while we tried to settle him on his own. With me gone at work all day, we could get the nurturing, physical contact and some special mommy time every day. He coslept until he started to disrupt my sleep (and not nurse at night). Then, we were able to move him to a mattress on the floor, rather than a crib (in a gated room).
For my other two children – I never even took the crib from storage. They co-slept as little guys up until they could move to a mattress on the floor of their own gated room.
My experience: I slept better with my babies close by. I was aware of their every little movement (no worries about them being ok somewhere else). I was able to nurse all of them until self-weaned while working full-time (my sleep was hardly interrupted). They got lots of special contact and mommy-time even though they were in other care during the day. I didn’t need to pump as much milk, as they got a lot of nutrition during the night.
It worked for our family. If it doesn’t work for you – don’t do it. But, the evidence does not suppport dictating where other peoples’ babies should sleep.
Miranda said
“the evidence does not suppport dictating where other peoples’ babies should sleep.”
amen. Why do we get so bossy about children and parenting?
Rebecca said
I am a mother of 3 children. In all of my experience I have never used a crib for my babies, always breastfed and co-slept. In my opinion, the bonding, nurturing and physical attention that the child receives, far outweighs any of the potential risks involved and just feels more natural.
Naomi said
we are another co-sleeping family, and wouln’t do it any other way – it feels strange not having our 8 month old in the bed with us! Our DD slept in our bed still she was 5 1/2, and still creeps in if she feels the need.
our cot holds our clean clothing lol!
Susannah said
We also bedshare with our youngest biological son who is a little over 2 years old. However, we have 2 older children that are adopted into our family (5 and 7 years old) and I think that does bring up some issues. We don’t really feel as comfortable with them climbing into bed with us and now they are starting to ask why our youngest son gets to sleep in the bed still since our middle son was 2 when he moved to our house and he never slept in our bed. It is difficult explaining that, plus we are starting to run up against wanting him to sleep in his own bed (still in our room) and he definitely is not on board with that plan! However, I think that the great bonding time and the night breastfeeding ease more than made up for the trouble caused by bedsharing and we still love to snuggle him at night some! And IMO, I was never worried about any danger to him in our bed and I did end up sleeping exactly as another poster described and he was fine. He has always loved blankets though and ever since he was old enough to snuggle himself into a pillow by himself, he has!
Syka said
Hi I just want to say what a brilliant article. As a 1st time mum of my DS, I was also warned against the dangers of bed sharing so I bought a moses basket for my DS to sleep in while still in our room. When he naturally woke in the night for a feed, I felt tired in the mornings. Then I spoke to my mum and she reminded me she had co slept with me and my siblings even though she had not breast fed any of us.
I moved my DS into our bed and even though he now wakes up more often for a feed, I’m not tired in the mornings. Like some others, I can’t even remember most days how many times he wanted feeding during the night and have found myself waking up about 5 mins before he stirs for a feed.
I would love to take part in a sleep study to see how we behave towards each other during the night but don’t know of any in the UK!
Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone « Whole Mother Care said
[...] 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment Check out this study done by By James J. McKenna Ph.D. & Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. at the University of Notre [...]
Co-sleeping and bed-sharing - Natural Parenting Forum said
[...] This article was posted in the BF section, but promotes definitions that are separate for co-sleeping and bed sharing. It is a great article!!! http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12…t-sleep-alone/ [...]
I'm going to be a horrible mother - Page 3 said
[...] [...]
angelina hart said
It’s really only in the West, that we don’t sleep with out babies. Pretty much the rest of the entire world does, so an article on the ’safeness’ of it does seem a bit silly. The cultures that put babies into cages and stick them in a room all by themselves are the ones that should be ‘examined.’ We are definitely the minority worldwide. When I worked with diverse ethnic groups in the inner city I noticed that the children from cultures that slept together got along very well with their siblings and really looked out for each other. The siblings from cultures that had very little human contact from infancy on and considered holding a baby ’spoiling’ were always fighting and really hurting each other. I notice the same about members of my own family and circle of friends. Not 100%, but a very high correlation.
dlende said
A friend of mine wrote me this after reading the recent commentaries. I asked if I could post it, so here it is:
Juste une petite note, c’est après avoir encore lu tout ce qu’on ecrit sur le blog à propos du co-sleeping.
Ce n’est évidemment pas que je serais contre ou quelque chose, c’est surtout cette façon (d’ailleurs très américaine) de penser par mode et de penser d’une seule façon pour tous (et quand je dis pour tous…, c’est pour le monde entier si ça vient des américains!!) et de penser qu’il n’y a que cette façon et que toutes les autres seraient préjudiciables.
Du temps de mon premier bébé, la Loi américaine (à suivre absolument par le monde entier) était de ne PAS allaiter les enfants et de surtout surtout les coucher sur le côté avec toutes sortes de stratagèmes de coussins pour qu’ils ne glissent pas sur le dos, parce que sur le dos, ça c’était la mort assurée si le bébé régurgitait…. Tu penses comme les mères devaient se sentir à l’aise, n’est-ce pas!…
Et puis pour le deuxième, c’était déjà tout changé, on pouvait allaiter mais pas de trop et pas dépasser 6 semaines, et alors absolument coucher les enfants sur le ventre, même qu’on faisait des devant de poussettes en transparent pour que les bébés puissent ‘voir’ quand on les promenaient…
Remarque, ce truc de les coucher sur le ventre, franchement, c’était le meilleur, aucun danger si ils régurgitaient, super bon pour la tête, et surtout tellement rassurant d’avoir leur petit ventre bien collé contre quelque chose de chaud comme le matelas, et en plus c’est bien souvent comme ça que TOUS les enfants finissent par dormir dès qu’ils savent se tourner comme ils le décident!! Et pour maintenant, ah, c’est sur le dos, absolument sur le dos… Va t’en y comprendre quelque chose!!
Mais pour le co-sleeping, c’est surtout la façon de culpabiliser ceux qui ne veulent pas faire comme ça, qui ont peur ou qui ne se sentent pas à ce point tout devoir donner à leurs enfants y compris leurs nuits dans lur lit! C’est surtout de dire que c’est comme ça et que si tu ne le fais pas, ou bien tu es une conne ou bien tu n’aimes pas ton enfant.
Et alors, comme ce matin, dire que c’est juste dans l’Ouest qu’on ne ferait pas comme ça mais que dans tout l’Orient on co-sleeperait…?! C’est vraiment faire fi d’une quelconque analyse pus honnête et plus intéressante, c’est ignorer que la plupart de ceux qui pratiquent à l’Est le co-sleeping, ne boivent peut-être pas d’acool, jamais, et ne dorment pas en couple la durée du co-sleeping.
La plupart des co-sleepings dans les autres cultures se font SANS le père, pas en couple, respecte l’intimité de l’enfant-nourisson et sa mère sans que l’homme n’intervienne. Mais de ça personne ne parle jamais, on compare juste des choses qui ne sont pas du tout les mêmes, on fait des raccourcis qui me dérangent beaucoup dès lors qu’on les présente comme des trouvailles quasi scientifiques.
Il n’y a pas de regle, et c’est faux de dire qu’on dort comme ça pour éviter les morts subites. Il y en a peut-être moins, mais ce n’est pas pour ça qu’on le fait, et peut-être que ce n’est pas non plus pour l’enfant!!
TedinAsia said
An Expat Westerner married and living in Japan to a wonderful Japanese woman, our first newborn arrived very early and was in Hospital for her first 6 months, now healthy and home, it just seemed natural to have her sleep between us. She sleeps just a little elevated on a large bath towel with a rolled bath towel on each side to prevent her from rolling out, Mom & Dad sleep on each side. Dad has the night feeding duties and is a light sleeper, Mom takes care during the day with stretching and feeding. Maybe we are just blessed, but this has worked out very well for us. Listen to your common sense, listen to your baby and do what you feel is best. I would think that the type of people visiting and researching these types of issues are undoubtedly / going to be good parents… relax and enjoy the experience. I might add that we also have two kind kitties who share our bed as well…
Diary of a First Child − We have a baby crusher in our midst said
[...] P.S. Japan has lowest cases of SIDS in the world, and there cosleeping in non smoking mothers is enc… Share and Enjoy: [...]
Daniel Lende’s top 10 of 2009 « Neuroanthropology said
[...] January 2009 in high style, Daniel put up our second most popular post of all time (second only to Jim McKenna’s widely read piece on Mother-Child co-sleeping, an article that draws constant readership). The normal Wednesday Round Up was extraordinary [...]
Best of the rest 2009 « Neuroanthropology said
[...] Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone by James J. McKenna — While technically from the very, very tail end of 2008, this post by [...]
gregdowney said
I agree, Andrea. The problem here doesn’t appear to be the co-sleeping; rather, the co-sleeping is likely a symptom of another set of problems. Most children, even given free rein, wind up seeking independence in different forms at their own pace, some quite young (as our other commenters point out). There is danger in applying a single standard, assuming that only a single profile or timetable is ‘normal.’ There’s SO MUCH pressure on parents to conform and so many ‘experts’ telling them what is or is not normal. I’ve always found Jim to be a very gentle, non-judgmental commentator on the subject, not so much prescribing a single one-size-fits-all sleep pattern, but standing up to those who do, pointing out that there is enormous variability around the world, and that people who don’t follow the standards laid out by some conservative pediatricians are not necessarily condemning their children to inevitable abnormality.
That said, in this case, there do seem to be other issues, and I’m not sure how I would respond if I were the father in this situation. No matter what he does, this is not an easy situation to navigate.